"What are you doing New Years, New Years Eve" Follow Friday

Well, I finally have a day off (one that doesn't require cooking and preparing for company)!

This is unusual during the week so I am going to especially enjoy it.  I'm going to have lunch with a friend who I have not seen in a while and then return/exchange a few gifts. 

But something else awaits me.  The image of my dining room table from Wordless Wednesday still remains, with a bit more added around the edges.  The tree is still intact and its been pretty to look at all week.  Obviously I'm a procrastinator and at some point I have to tackle it.  I've decided to buy a roll of bubble wrap (much to Maddy's joy as she loves the stuff) and pack everything away more efficiently than ever since there is a possibility we will be moving.  The wreaths have to come down from outside and the lighted deer packed away.  Thankfully our snow cover from last weekend has turned to a more normal partly cloudy and 57 degrees!

My hub is sick so he won't be able to help.  Whatever viral infection that has invaded my entire family has plagued him and he is miserable.  Antibiotics from the doctor have not helped.  This one has to run its course.  So, no plans for New Years Eve, which is fine with me.  Frozen pizza and kitties on the couch will have to do!

Glory to God in highest heaven,
Who unto man His Son hath given;
While angels sing with tender mirth,
A glad new year to all the earth. Martin Luther

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.
Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Wishing all of you a Happy New Year and a 2011 filled with blessings!

Wordless Wednesday (sort of) ~ Boxing up Christmas

It takes me a few days.  I pile everything up on the dining room table and slowly pack it away for another year.

This is the last to go.  I love my ornaments, and I just love turning the lights on in the morning.  Mason stands guard under the now present-less tree.

It's Check up Time *sigh*

How can someone love their pet so much yet not want to take him to the vet? 

Unfortunately, this is me.

I remember when I was little girl, my mom would never tell me ahead of time when we were going to the doctor.  She would just put me in the car under the guise of going somewhere else and then we would end up at the doctors office.  I'd scream and holler but was promised a sucker for being good so that made everything better. 

I don't think the cat will respond as well, even to the promise of Temptation snacks.

Mason has been my baby for almost 14 years and is a well loved, well cared for indoor kitty.  He used to go to the vet regularly until he was about 8...then I took him to a new vet that was closer to my house. 

BIG MISTAKE...and I'm sure other cat owners will agree, a cat never forgets.  I honestly believe this horrible man who calls himself a pet lover (and somehow is still in business) abused my sweet boy.  What kind of vet complains that a cat scratched him?  What does he expect in his business?

Since that time, Mason has turned into a hissing, scratching, screaming devil kitty any time anyone with any authority tries to touch him.  It is traumatizing for us both. 

So, he's got an appointment next week with a cat only vet that he has seen before but had to be sedated to be examined and the sedation gave him bronchitis, so I fear this.  He has a chronically cloudy eye from a scratch that's been treated but won't completely clear up.  And now, his other eye has a spot in it.  His right ear bothers him and he coughs sometimes.  It's just time for a good checkup, and I'm scared of the experience as well as possible results.

The deep seated fear of losing my elderly kitty is raising its ugly head.  I know I may be overreacting, but it's difficult not to.

I'm a coward when it comes to experiencing anyone or anything in distress and Mason may have reacted to MY fear before, so my sweet husband is going with me.  Of the two of us, he has the better ability to control.  I'm a softy, and both of the cats know it.  I am hopeful he will do better with his daddy and possibly not react so violently.

Any advice and prayers would surely be appreciated.  Wish us luck!

We're not dreaming, it is a White Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

It is snowing in central Georgia!  I've lived here for 37 years and this is a first on Christmas!

I hope Santa brought everything you wanted.  I got my Wii Fit, so I'm set for the new year!

Maddy and Mason loved all the paper and bows.  And a Christmas miracle happened...they napped together on the bench during our festivities.  (Is it possible they really do love each other, or maybe they were just escaping the hoopla?)



It's been a wonderful day aside from a terrible headache that's been with me for the last couple of days.  I've never had a migraine but I would imagine this is what one feels like.  Ever the hostess tho, I am trying to power through the pain. 

I saw the Pet Blogger Hop on Cat Chat so thought I'd jump in.  Welcome!  I hope you've had a blessed day!

Follow Christmas Eve Friday!

I am up early and ready to start baking, but first things first...Follow Friday is here courtesy of Java!  Welcome, and please introduce yourself!  I'm new at this and could use some blog decorating tips if you'd like to share! 

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone! 

FA LA LA LA LA....

It's time to load up on vitamins because the holiday officially starts for me at 4:01 today.  I get off work at 4 and will hit the ground running. 

I'm already tired and the real work hasn't begun!  We have been so busy this week.  We will have a house full for the weekend and although I love it, it is stressful because I am somewhat anal of a perfectionist.  I really do just need to relax and not get overwhelmed.  I think my MIL will love me whether my house is clean or not but I would like things to be just right for her first ever Christmas at our house.

My hubby is cleaning the bathrooms (I know, he's a saint) so there's a step in the right direction already.

We will start the holiday tomorrow night at my mom's.  We're keeping it casual with chili and baked potatoes, and lots of laughs courtesy of a White Elephant gift exchange.  My family has never done this but since we are now without little children around (ahem, Ashley?) we needed something to liven things up a bit.  A few whacky gifts and a glass of wine should do the trick.  We played this at a party last weekend and it was hilarious.

All of our kids will be at our house Christmas morning along with my mother in law and sister in law.  We will have deep dish banana nut french toast, breakfast casserole, mimosas and bellinis.  Later in the afternoon, my parents and friends will arrive and we will have pork tenderloin and all the trimmings.  We live in the south, and as of right now there is actually a chance we'll have a white Christmas, which would look a little like this:

This picture is from last February.  We actually had three snowfalls earlier this year, which is more than we usually get.  It's exciting, but most southerners don't know how to drive in the stuff so it might mess up road travel plans for my already wary parents, so I almost wish it would wait until Sunday.  Anyone have a sled I can borrow?  : )

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Wordless Wednesday

No matter how old he gets, Mason still loves to get under the tree at Christmas! 

Meet me on Monday

Questions:

1.  What will your Christmas dinner consist of?

Marinated pork tenderloin on the grill
Pineapple dressing (yes, ask me for this recipe!  So easy and delicious!)
John Legend's recipe for baked mac 'n cheese
Whole green beans with sliced potatoes
Hoppin' John (Black eyed peas with spicy tomatoes)
Sister Schuberts Parker House rolls
then...
Chocolate pound cake, courtesy of my MIL
Something decadent from the bakery at BJs

2.  Do you watch commercials or flip through the channels?

If I'm not watching them, I'm up doing laundry or going to the kitchen.  It drives me nuts when my husband flips back and forth between channels. 


3.  How long will you leave your Christmas decorations up?

They will start to come down on the 26th!


4.  What movie makes you cry every time you watch it?

Sleepless in Seattle?  I'm sure there are more but I can't think right now.

5.  Do you have a Facebook?

I used to but I quit cold turkey two months ago.  I've realized it is better for me not to know what everyone is doing at every moment in their lives. 

Meet me on Monday!

I'm not sure if I'm doing this right, but I'm attempting to be a part of a BLOG HOP!  Here we go...

Questions:

1.  How do you order your steak?
2.  Are you superstitious about anything?
3.  Who is your best friend (not including your spouse)?
4.  When is the last time your wore a dress (for the guys...a suit)?
5.  Do you have any trips scheduled?

My answers:

1. Medium, and usually only from Longhorn Steakhouse.  Have never enjoyed a steak from anywhere else!

2. Ummm, I have two black cats so I can't be too superstitious!  You will see me knock wood from time to time!

3. My daughter.  We 'grew up' together!  I am immensely proud of the woman she has become and love being her mom and friend. 

4. Yikes...it's been a while.  It was a cute little black wrap dress I wore to a funeral in 2009.  (I work at home so I need to find more reasons to dress up!)

5. We are going to Greenville, SC for a Christmas party this weekend.  We don't know yet if we will be able to take a trip in 2011, but in 2012 we hope to go to London for our 10th anniversary!

closing a door

Yesterday was a good day.  Almost two months after our business closed, all of our furniture and equipment was finally purchased and is gone from our storage unit and garage.  This is a praise, as the proceeds will pay off not all but much of the leftover debt.  What we are left with can be managed.

The JOY that my life has regained since the closing of this business is priceless. 

Standing on the Promises

Have you ever thought about why God did and does some of the things that He does?

This is a thought we had daily over the past 1 1/2 years as our business was struggling.  We started the business to do good in our community, not to make a living for ourselves.  We  followed what we thought was a path that God had laid out for us.  When we first started, doors opened wide and flew open quickly.  Things happened so easily that we never doubted that our venture was blessed by God.

But as it turns out, three years later the business has failed...even though we thought we were being obedient to His will for us.  Does this mean that God has failed US?  Why did He choose to allow us to face these circumstances? 

Or, did He just answer prayer in a way we weren't expecting? 

My pastor says God is a risk taker. 

A risk taker?  I never thought of Him in that way. 

Think of the circumstances put before Mary and Joseph all those years ago.  Mary and Joseph both had free will but placed their faith in God and followed His will for their lives to bring Jesus into this world.  God put before them an adventure that they could have never dreamed before, and that adventure changed everything.

I think its the same way with us.  He gave us all free will.  He's taking the risk that if we let Him, He will provide an adventure for us unlike anything we've ever dreamed.  It doesn't mean that life will always be easy, or happy, or without grief, but if we believe God's promises, then what have we to fear?

God's promises:
To supply every need we have
That His grace is sufficient for us
That His children will not be overtaken with temptation, that an escape will be provided
That we have victory over death 
That all things work together for good to those who love and serve Him faithfully
That those who believe in Jesus and are baptized for the forgiveness of their sins will be saved
And that His people will have eternal life

It's not easy.  I have to remind myself daily that 'God is good'.  Satan is always there trying to make me believe otherwise...and he wants me to believe that it is the things of this world that matter.

So, has God failed us?  I don't believe so.  I believe He took a risk on us that we would remain faithful, banking on His promises and not on our circumstances.  And, He has kept his word.

And no matter what we face in the future, He will be there to lead us into a new adventure.

A Good Cry

I have puffy eyes and a headache from crying too much last night.
 
Over a movie. 

Or, at least that was what started it. 

I think I just needed a good cry.  I used to cry much more easily than I do now.  I've toughened up over the last few years and the tears just don't come as easily and so when they do come, they come in a torrent. 

My husband was in a drugged sleep due to the evil bursitis in his shoulder so I was free to weep without him thinking I was crazy, or hormonal, or both.

I'm normally not a big movie person but the movie was 'November Christmas', a sappy Hallmark holiday movie.  The main reason for wanting to watch was Sam Elliott.  I love that guy.  He's older now but still oh, so handsome, and there is something about the way he talks and his expressions.  What can I say?  It's just admiration from afar.  It also starred John Corbett (Aiden from Sex amd the City), which didn't hurt.

The story was sweet but predictable, but obviously tear jerking enough to get me started.  Hallmark also had a bevy of their sentimental commercials that added to the flow.

By the time the movie was over my pillowcase was wet and my nose was stopped up, hence the puffy eyes and headache today.

So, it's Monday.  Onward and upward, ya'll.

I was lazy this weekend and the Christmas decorations were not pulled out.  This is at least a three-day project.  I may just have to start today after work.  How was your weekend?

Thinking of you, Gramma

Today would have been my precious Gramma's 95th birthday.  She passed away when I was on my extended honeymoon in 2002.  My husband and I were married in Aruba and a week after we returned, we left again on a business trip that took us to Atlantic City, NJ.  We were in a cab on our way to dinner when the phone rang with the news.  Shocked at the timing but not shocked that she had left us.  She hadn't wanted to be here for the past nine years since Papa died and prayed for the Lord to take her home daily.  It was a mixture of incredible sadness but relief for her.

My Gramma called me 'princess' all of my life.  Whenever I felt like no one else cared, I could always turn to her and know that she would be there for me.  She is my example of unconditional love.  No matter what I did, how selfish I was, or what I might have said that came out the wrong way, she loved me anyway.

We moved from California to Georgia in 1974, leaving Gramma and Papa behind.  By 1978, they had purchased a house in Georgia to be with us.  After a few years of subdued unhappiness over the climate, they decided to move back.  It wasn't until my Papa became sick and my Gramma needed help that they returned to Georgia in 1989.  My mom was their caregiver for many years. 

My Gramma was a prayer warrior.  She started her days praying for all of us.  When she was sick and thought she might die, her only worry was 'who will pray for my family when I am gone?'  In my younger days, like most people I did a lot of things that probably should have hurt or even killed me, and I believe her prayers of protection had a lot to do with the outcome.

A lot of my happiest childhood memories involve Gramma's house in CA.  Miracle Whip and wheat bread make me smile.  She knew I loved pickles and would always have a jar in the fridge.  She wouldn't let us drink soda alone but would always add lemon lime soda to juice to make it fizzy.  She would walk us down the street to the school to let us play on the playground.  She always had parakeets that could talk.  We would play Candyland and chinese checkers.  She had a dutch door in her kitchen.  She had a cumquat tree in her backyard and we would eat them straight from the tree.  I don't think I've had a cumquat since.  It probably wouldn't taste the same either.  And most importantly, she loved Jesus NO MATTER WHAT and taught us what it means to truly have faith.

Love you, Gramma.  I know you are better where you are but you are still so missed here.  See you again one day. 

I love Kohl's, but not on Black Friday

I would be lying if I said I didn't like to shop.  I love it - it is therapy sometimes for me, but I have to be in the right mood.  And I've never been in the right mood when it comes to Black Friday.  #1 - I hate crowds.  #2 - I've never wanted something bad enough to stand in line, in the rain, with the prospect of being trampled, for.

A few years ago when my stepdaughter was getting ready to go to college, my husband braved the freezing cold that just happened to have descended upon us in order to get her a laptop computer.  Back then, it was more difficult to get a deal than it is now so it was worth it to him.  I think he left the house about 5 a.m. and returned about 7 a.m. successful, so it was worth the trouble, but he did say "never again!"

My sister though, she reminds me of the woman in the Target commercials this year.  She makes her list, stretches, and prepares herself for battle every year.  She and I are polar opposites in personality so I suppose that it explains it.  She is loud and doesn't let anyone run over her, so I can just imagine what she is like in those stores, and she has scored some great deals in the past.  I just pray every year that I won't see her face later on the evening news.

When I asked my husband what he was going to do today, he said "a little online shopping".  Sounds good to me. 

Happy Turkey Day

I'm always up early, even on a holiday, mainly because I have two needy creatures of habit who want to eat at the same time every day.  But, I would likely get up early anyway especially on Thanksgiving because as I grew up, it was just the thing to do.

I always remember my mom getting up around 4 a.m. to put the turkey in the oven.  I was always so excited and could never go back to sleep.  I loved the smell of it baking, and then the preparation of all the trimmings.  Even though no one else would eat it, my mom would always stuff the turkey for me because I wanted the stuffing instead of the dressing in a pan (um, it's the other way around now but she still thinks I want the stuffing).  And even though I would never eat it otherwise, I could down a whole bowl of homemade pimento cheese stuffed into celery.  As the bowl was being placed on the table, my sister and I would poke the tips of our fingers into the black olives and then eat them off.  They just tasted better that way.  And last but not least, all of us kids would fight over who was going to snap the wishbone.

And then, with everyone I loved around the table, we would give thanks and enjoy our meal and then a sleepy afternoon together with football blaring in the background. 

Wishing you a day filled with memories and love.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Right where He wants me

As a medical transciptionist I sit here for many hours each day transcribing everything from infant chest x-rays to mammograms to CT scans, but some days it can be quite monotonous.  I have always enjoyed a challenge and some days I wonder if I am not doing enough with my life.

And then, a special case comes up that catches my attention.  She's two years younger than me and this hits home...I know where she likely is in her life.  She's already fought breast cancer 16 years ago at the age of 30 and now she's being scanned for pain in her abdomen.  Could it be a recurrence after all these years?

The doctor notes enlarged lymph nodes and a nodule that is suspicious.  Immediately I stop and pray for this woman because she was being told that day that she likely, again, has cancer. 

"Please, Lord, comfort her and let her know that You are there". 

It is times like this that I know I am in the right place.

I believe that God places us in situations where we can best do His work.  With me being somewhat introverted, I've never been one to witness my beliefs outloud too much.  My silent prayers may be the only prayers some of these people receive and I believe this is one of the reasons I am here right now in my life. 

Not only can this affect these strangers, but it affects me.  It strengthens me.  It helps me to know that He is still there, especially now during this time when I am struggling with my own faith.

Day One

My attempt to become more consistent started today.  Eat healthy?  Check.  Exercise?  Cardio and strength training with hand weights.  I've never been much on exercise but I've got to figure out a program that I can stick to.  Maybe Santa will bring a Wii Fit?  I sit all day working and am starting to feel the spread.

Speaking of work, since I'm finally learning how to navigate around this blog, I'll insert a picture of what it looks like most days when I am trying to work:

That's Mason on my lap, and Maddy sleeping in the middle of my desk.  A bit needy, wouldn't you say?

Daily blog.  Check!

Change is good

I SHOULD be a great blogger because I most always have something to say. I am going to make a genuine effort to post at least one thing a day going forward. Let's call it an exercise in consistency. I've tried to update my profile as best I can to accurately describe myself and my life should anyone be interested in reading! Now if I can just figure out how to insert pictures...

Our days are getting easier. Our business has been closed for a month and we are starting to feel the relief that comes with less stress and responsibility. Even though the process is not complete (we still have our lease and the landlord to settle with), I believe we've been blessed with a sense of peace for the time being.

One of the uncertainties lately in our lives is whether or not we will be moving to another state. My husband's employer is located about three hours from where we currently live and the possibility of moving to that area has become real now that my husband's children are grown. (He moved to this area nine years ago to be with his children when his former wife moved them away after their divorce). I would love the adventure of living in a new place if this is where we are meant to be. The ties we have to this area are my family, including my aging parents who are now within an hour's drive, our church, as well as the possibility that I hope to be a 'glamma' one day and always thought I would be close by for my daughter. As it is now, we don't see each other very often with just an hour or so between us because of our busy lives. Is it possible that if we were farther away that our visits could be more meaningful and quality filled?

A Reprieve

We arrived back home yesterday from a nice break in our routine. We knew ahead of time with the closing of the business that we were going to need a few days away to rest our weary souls. With the help of Westin points (yay for being rewarded for spending money) we were able to get four free nights in two very nice hotels, one in Nashville, TN and one in Asheville, NC. Our rhyming vacay.

We left early Saturday morning on our adventure and first stopped in Chattanooga at Ruby Falls, a natural wonder. I've been twice in the past but my husband had never been. Afterwards, we toured around Chattanooga in the breezy fall weather, just enjoying the new sites. We then made our way up to Nashville to our downtown hotel. We were able to walk to dinner and then to the Ryman Auditorium, the original Grand Ole Opry, for a concert of various country acts including Montgomery Gentry. Of interest, on our way out a couple of hours later, I was tapped on the shoulder by Eddie Montgomery (of Montgomery Gentry) as he made his way out the door. I'm not a huge country music fan so briefly didn't recognize him until his adoring fans mobbed him as he boarded his bus. My husband laughed at me for not pulling out my camera. Oh well! We also saw Robin Meade, the host of Morning Express on Headline News. She is gorgeous! She also sings beautifully, and debuted her song "Welcome Home" for all the veterans.

It wasn't overly publicized in the media so I briefly forgot that a large part of Nashville was flooded last spring. We happened to be there on the six month anniversary of the flood, and the Opryland complex that is 10 miles outside of downtown is still being renovated. We drove around the area, which included outlet stores (including Off Broadway shoes) that was flooded out and is still not open (horror - all those wasted shoes!). As we made our way around the complex, we noticed there were a few people milling about the actual Grand Ole Opry building, which surprisingly had re-opened in Sept. We weren't able to go inside the auditorium but were able to get pictures around the building and then shop in the fabulous gift shop. We also let our hair down a little on music row, enjoying the 50th anniversary of Tootsie's bar where a lot of country stars got their start. It was so much fun!

We left Nashville on Monday and headed to Asheville, NC. Asheville is a funky, laid back little town filled with shops, clubs, art studios, and great food, and oh yeah, the largest home in the U.S., Biltmore Estate. A couple of the more interesting things we tried were fried pickles (thanks Ashley) and sweetbreads (veal thymus, of all things?) Hmmmm....the jury is out on the latter. The Biltmore Estate itself is worth the trip, and the weather was beautiful!

In the category of 'you just never know what you'll see on the side of the road', on the way home yesterday, we found this little place just below Clayton, GA called Goats on the Roof. It's a country store where they actually have goats living on the roofs of the three buildings, with bridges and ramps connecting all the spaces. They even have grass growing on the roof for the goats to eat! If I can figure out how to post pics here, I will do. Too cute!

So, we are back to the grind this morning. My work has been slow, thus the chance to write all of this. It was nice to put all the stresses of daily life on hold for a few days and it gave us a chance to think about where our lives will go next, and I see a move in our (near?) future. More to follow.

It's a process

So, it's been almost two weeks since we closed our business. Shutting it down has been complicated since we had contracts with our clients, some of which rightfully deserve partial refunds (some have already been issued and we are working on the rest). There are some other clients, however, that are outside of the terms of their contract and do not have a refund rightfully coming but still think they are owed money.

I have tried to stop and think about what if it were ME on the other side of this? How rational would I be about MY money? My empathy for people would definitely run me directly into personal bankruptcy so I've had to approach this strictly from a legal standpoint. Unfortunately I cannot reimburse them for future time they would have had coming to them if we had been able to remain open, so only if contractually we owe them a partial refund will they be getting one.

In the past few days, there have been two clients so far who have processed a chargeback to their credit card for what they THINK is owed to them. Amazingly enough, the credit card companies will just take a consumers word for it and charge money back to a merchant, and then send the merchant a notice asking for an explanation to determine if the money is owed back or not. This puts us in a situation where we are without the money in our account that is actually owed to someone else, which is unfair.

I have really tried to remain calm throughout this whole process but sometimes it is hard. Doing the right thing doesn't always mean things will go smoothly...but it does mean that at least, for the most part, I can sleep soundly at night.

Moving on

I've been here many times but just couldn't make myself write anything down. In the months since I've posted there has been much that has happened.

On June 30, I thought I was having a heart attack and my husband took me to the Emergency Room. Now, I am not the type of person to panic over things going on in my body but this was different. Since March, I had been having episodes of heart palpitations. I finally went to the Dr. on June 29 and he thought I was having panic attacks and put me on Paxil. He told me to start slow and only take 1/2 tablet. On the morning of June 30 I did just that, and within one hour I was seeing sparkly floaters mainly in my left eye so badly that it was obstructing my vision. I was also dizzy and sick to my stomach. After working as much as I could throughout the day I finally laid down on the couch. All evening I was having episodes of a feeling of fullness rising in my chest up to my mouth. My mouth would go numb, my heart would race wildly, and I could feel my blood pressure going through the roof. When the episodes started happening one right after the other, it scared me enough to go to the ER. I was there for about three hours and they sent me home with a diagnosis of heart palpitations, a referral to a cardiologist, and a prescription for Xanax.

In the months since, I have felt somewhat better. I did see a cardiologist and had a stress echo test, and other than high blood pressure they think I am ok. I'm on a beta blocker to help the HBP. I know it is a combination of perimenopause and stress and I am doing my best to control it with progesterone cream and estrogen gel, the beta blocker, and now Lexapro as well.

Our business has failed. We had a contract to sell but it fell through. For whatever the reason, we are meant to take this path and we just have to move forward. We will be open until at least 10/21 to allow our members to grieve the process of our closing as well as to attempt to settle up some outstanding contracts. It is a mixture of relief and overwhelming stress, as some people expect at least partial refunds on their contracts and we have no money to pay them. We are not closing up in the night and running away, but choosing to face this head on and promise our members that we will honor our commitments. This means payment will come directly from us, not the business, so I am working as much as I can to make this process easier. My husband is meeting with a lawyer next week to figure out if and how we can get out of our lease. This is the biggest obstacle we have to overcome.

We have not lost our faith. There are days that we waver (like last night I went to bed at 8:30 because I couldn't stand to THINK anymore) but we know this could be much worse. Our membership has been down and this means fewer people we have to reimburse, so this is a blessing. We are praying for peace in our hearts and the strength to do everything that needs to be done to close this chapter in our lives.

Having faith

I have been so pissy this week. I really do try to control this because I don't want to be this way. I get up and pray daily for strength but I know I am battling a war with Satan for my peace of mind. In addition, I have reduced my Prometrium hormone from 200 mg to 100 mg because of other side effects I was having. The only thing I noticed at first is that I didn't sleep as well, but now I am beginning to wonder if the 200 mg kept me on a more even keel emotionally?

This period in my life has been so difficult for me. The business is still not sold and only hanging on by a thread from month to month. If I really think about it, I know that God has saved us time and time again and I should be praising Him constantly that we have not had to close our doors. Don't get me wrong - I do thank Him regularly - it's just that I feel guilty when I start to lose faith and feel the way I do this week.

We have taken out another large quantity of retirement money and are "investing" it in the business by paying off our massive company credit card debt. We accumulated the majority of this debt not by being foolish, but because there was no business between Sept 2009-Jan 2010 and the only way we could stay open was to charge everything. We are being forced to do this as it is starting to affect our personal credit. Even though we pay our personal bills on time every month and sometimes in full, the credit card companies see the high company balance and panic, thinking we will eventually bail, and they have started penalizing us by taking credit away from us personally. I know, not fair, but what can you do? We have chosen to pay off the company debt, to no longer have any company credit cards, and only deal in cash until the business sells. The money we receive from the sale of the business (assuming it will sell) will be rolled back into our retirement. If we run out of cash before we sell, we have no credit cards to fall back on and we will have to close our doors.

This is where our faith comes in. If this business was truly put in place by God as we have felt all along, then He will allow it to prosper and remain open, or will bring that elusive buyer in His time. In our gut, we do not feel that God wants this to fail. He wants us to trust Him to carry the burden for us. When we finally let go is when He can do His work.

A Blessing from Above

My hubby and I were talking last month and dreaming about what we will do with our lives once the business sells. I said something to the effect that I will go back to my former transcription employer and BEG for them to take me back so I can have a secure full-time job.

Well, no begging will be necessary.

Yesterday, out of the blue, my phone rang and it was my former employer OFFERING me a job. And not just any job. A coveted position with a highly regarded hospital, fantastic working hours and fabulous pay.

For the past year and a half I thought this transcription company didn't appreciate me and what I had done before we opened our business. I was crushed when they didn't want to hire me back when I tried to go back part time after we opened the business. Now they are telling me that I have a very good reputation of doing good work and being very dependable.

My first thought was how can I handle a full time job NOW? We are desperately trying to sell the business and trying to keep the place afloat until it does sell. If I am away from there for most of the day, every day plus some weekends, all of the burden falls on my husband's shoulders. I wasn't sure I could live with this.

That is, until my precious hubby reminded me that this is what I wanted, it just didn't happen with MY timing, and I needed to reconsider and call them back quickly. Which is what I did. And within an hour I was awarded this job. Woo hoo!

Okay, so now where to start? I must start reorganizing my life and my brain to start thinking like a full-time employee. Even though I have the pleasure of working from home, I must still keep myself on a schedule and work the hours that I am committed to. Let's face it - I've gotten lazy and now I'm scared.

But scared in a GOOD way. Wish me luck!

Since it's Saturday I will put this all aside for now and go enjoy a day with my daughter, shopping and celebrating with a lunchtime margarita. Ole!