It's Hot

How hot is it?

It's so hot, we have no cold water. Really. I even have to add ice to the kitty water bowl.

And my outdoor plants? Forget it. I water them (evidently with warm water) and they rebound for a bit, but then by the next day they've given up. By August, the yard will be brown.

Can we move to Maine, or even upstate New York? If it gets hot there, it only lasts a short spell.

I find myself in situations like this where I just want to escape. My hub is on a job search, and I've put no limits on the geography. I wonder if a new place is on the horizon.

If you've ever watched House Hunters, you've seen these families that just pick up -little kids and all-  and run off to a different country or to an island, for a job or just a slower pace of life. How glorious. But, how do you do it? How do you leave mothers, children, and in my case, a grandchild?

If you had asked me years ago where I would be when my daughter finally had a baby, I would have told you at least within an hour's drive. And I would keep the baby during the day and work when I could. Those were MY plans. But that hasn't turned out to be the case. I actually only see that precious face in person on average about once a month, and I experience milestones through Instagram and email.

There have been questions over and over, "Why am I here?" If I acted on my impulses, I wouldn't be.

So, why not go? Why not do what I want to do. Life is short, right?

This is where trusting God with my future comes in. Hub and I trusted Him with our move here four years ago and, despite being away from family, it's been the best thing that could have ever happened to us. We know where He leads is for our GOOD.

But still lately, every day when I wake up I don't know exactly where I belong or what I should be doing. I find myself struggling to trust Him with every moment in order for those impulses to not take over, and to not allow the circumstances of whatever He brings to control how I will react. Because if I run off willy-nilly (as I've done before), it only leads to heartache. I'm old enough to know.

And even with trusting Him, I make mistakes. I'm not perfect and never will be. I sometimes say and do things that don't come out right, but my heart is in the right place. I hope the people closest to me know this.

So for today, the focus is just staying on path. Looking forward and not behind. Maintaining joy in the midst of confusion and pain.

And it's still hot. It's early, but the humidity is already 85%. Have mercy. But, I have to remind myself that just like my plants turning brown, it's just a circumstance. It won't be like this forever.

And I won't run. My heart and feet are grounded as I await direction.

“His perspective on what troubles me overshadows my anxiety. Time alone with God prepares me for what I will need throughout the day. He’s equipping me to handle what is ahead with His gentle boldness, quiet strength and loving grace”

Believing a Lie

Don't believe the lie that YOU can't make a difference - Perry Noble

For almost a year, I volunteered in our church office working with the production crew. I was responsible for inputting the words to the songs to be projected on the big screens every Sunday morning, and I loved it. I was able to hang out with a lot of the really young and creative people there and it made me feel good to contribute with the gifts God has blessed me with.

But, there was always that voice in the back of my head that said I wasn't needed and wasn't appreciated. Even at the age of 51, I still fall victim to Satan and his tricks. I was believing the lie. This made it easy for me to back off when my dad died, and I told them I just wasn't going to be available regularly anymore in order to do this.

This wasn't all together true. There was a three-week period of time that I was wrapped up in helping my mom, but lately it's been more sporadic and something I can schedule. It should still allow me to do something I love for my church. But, I was afraid to ask if they wanted me back.

I know in my heart and head that if I put these things in God's hands, He will take care of it. As it turns out, the person who was supposed to take my place never showed, and a busy production employee was handling the task. When I finally got the nerve to ask about it, I was told they would "love" me to come back.

I've just felt all along that this volunteer assignment was for me. At my former church was where I first learned about production. I had hoped it would lead to an opportunity at NewSpring (my current church) and it did. And as much as I loved doing it, I still became discouraged. I think they understood when my dad died that it threw me into a tailspin. But still, that wasn't 100% of the reason.

I'm thankful to be back to my Tuesday volunteer routine, and I pray that I can learn from this experience and not listen to the negative whispers of the enemy. I know if I persevere, God can use me in more ways than one to accomplish His purposes through this.

Right where He wants me

As a medical transciptionist I sit here for many hours each day transcribing everything from infant chest x-rays to mammograms to CT scans, but some days it can be quite monotonous.  I have always enjoyed a challenge and some days I wonder if I am not doing enough with my life.

And then, a special case comes up that catches my attention.  She's two years younger than me and this hits home...I know where she likely is in her life.  She's already fought breast cancer 16 years ago at the age of 30 and now she's being scanned for pain in her abdomen.  Could it be a recurrence after all these years?

The doctor notes enlarged lymph nodes and a nodule that is suspicious.  Immediately I stop and pray for this woman because she was being told that day that she likely, again, has cancer. 

"Please, Lord, comfort her and let her know that You are there". 

It is times like this that I know I am in the right place.

I believe that God places us in situations where we can best do His work.  With me being somewhat introverted, I've never been one to witness my beliefs outloud too much.  My silent prayers may be the only prayers some of these people receive and I believe this is one of the reasons I am here right now in my life. 

Not only can this affect these strangers, but it affects me.  It strengthens me.  It helps me to know that He is still there, especially now during this time when I am struggling with my own faith.