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Wednesday, July 22, 2015

It's Hot

How hot is it?

It's so hot, we have no cold water. Really. I even have to add ice to the kitty water bowl.

And my outdoor plants? Forget it. I water them (evidently with warm water) and they rebound for a bit, but then by the next day they've given up. By August, the yard will be brown.

Can we move to Maine, or even upstate New York? If it gets hot there, it only lasts a short spell.

I find myself in situations like this where I just want to escape. My hub is on a job search, and I've put no limits on the geography. I wonder if a new place is on the horizon.

If you've ever watched House Hunters, you've seen these families that just pick up -little kids and all-  and run off to a different country or to an island, for a job or just a slower pace of life. How glorious. But, how do you do it? How do you leave mothers, children, and in my case, a grandchild?

If you had asked me years ago where I would be when my daughter finally had a baby, I would have told you at least within an hour's drive. And I would keep the baby during the day and work when I could. Those were MY plans. But that hasn't turned out to be the case. I actually only see that precious face in person on average about once a month, and I experience milestones through Instagram and email.

There have been questions over and over, "Why am I here?" If I acted on my impulses, I wouldn't be.

So, why not go? Why not do what I want to do. Life is short, right?

This is where trusting God with my future comes in. Hub and I trusted Him with our move here four years ago and, despite being away from family, it's been the best thing that could have ever happened to us. We know where He leads is for our GOOD.

But still lately, every day when I wake up I don't know exactly where I belong or what I should be doing. I find myself struggling to trust Him with every moment in order for those impulses to not take over, and to not allow the circumstances of whatever He brings to control how I will react. Because if I run off willy-nilly (as I've done before), it only leads to heartache. I'm old enough to know.

And even with trusting Him, I make mistakes. I'm not perfect and never will be. I sometimes say and do things that don't come out right, but my heart is in the right place. I hope the people closest to me know this.

So for today, the focus is just staying on path. Looking forward and not behind. Maintaining joy in the midst of confusion and pain.

And it's still hot. It's early, but the humidity is already 85%. Have mercy. But, I have to remind myself that just like my plants turning brown, it's just a circumstance. It won't be like this forever.

And I won't run. My heart and feet are grounded as I await direction.

“His perspective on what troubles me overshadows my anxiety. Time alone with God prepares me for what I will need throughout the day. He’s equipping me to handle what is ahead with His gentle boldness, quiet strength and loving grace”