It's a New Year again!

Oh wow, Happy New Year! When I read my last post from January of LAST YEAR, I can actually see a bit of change in myself. I suppose that's the most we can hope for is that we can grow in a positive direction from year to year.

This year has started out rough with sickness. I'm not the type that usually gives in to the crud, but it has knocked me for a loop this time. It started with a glob in my throat that gave me laryngitis for three days. Thinking I was getting better instead of worse, I did not go to my Dr. in between the holidays. By the time it had moved into my chest and then back up into my head, it was Jan. 2 and her office was closed. Riding it out one more day with new over the counter meds didn't help, so by Sat. morning I was first in line at the neighborhood express clinic. They were wonderful, and with some new antibiotics for bronchitis, sinus infection, and conjunctivitis (the sinus infection affected my eyes), I'm feeling much better 24 hours later. Now though, my sweet hub is a few days behind me with his symptoms and although he also went to the clinic yesterday, he seems a bit worse off today. Its damp and rainy anyway, so we'll just hunker down one more day and nurse ourselves back to a somewhat healthy state.

As usual, the new year has brought on thoughts of getting into shape. I said last year I'm heavier than I've ever been, and I'm at least in the same place or a couple of pounds ahead of that now. As it does when we get older, the fat "shifts" into different places and this is what has made me most uncomfortable. When I see someone jogging, or a commercial for Nordic Track, I am inspired, but when it comes down to doing it, I'm just a big blob. Today will be dedicated to putting together a food plan for the next week so we can focus on eating better, so that's a start. I don't think it's so much the volume of what we eat, but the poor choices. Also, I sit a lot with my work and this doesn't help.

For Christmas, I bought my husband a Fit Bit. He loves it, and tracking his steps, sleep patterns, and what he eats has been so easy with this. I think this would be helpful for me as well so I may add this one more purchase to the after Christmas budget.

On another note, my grandson has grown to a precious 15-month-old bundle of cuteness...

 

Oh, just look at that gorgeous kid! I see so much of my daughter Ashley in that little face, but she had dark curls when she was his age. The blonde comes from his daddy. I sure miss being with him, but have also learned over the past few months to give up the stress I was putting on myself by trying to control my daughter with too much input when it comes to raising him. She and his daddy are completely capable, and my role is to be a supporter when she needs me. Hey, he's my first grandchild and it just took a little time to find my place, even three hours away.

Wishing everyone a blessed and positive start to 2015!

Resolved to Resolve

I am consistently inconsistent.

I would love to be on an even keel. Are there people out there that really are, or do they just look like they are? I can't fake it.

As much as I try to focus on my faith and pray and do all the things I know I should, I find myself questioning where I am in life and what I'm doing. Maybe it's a New Year's thing. And then I feel guilty because maybe I'm not trusting God the way I should.

I always have the best of intentions. I want to get in shape. I want to further my experience in my field. I want to become a better volunteer, better cook, better wife, etc. but I rarely follow through for long periods. My attention span has me jumping from idea to idea when one of them does not satisfy. But will anything satisfy if I'm working towards the wrong thing?

I'm now menopausal and severely lacking in energy. I'm heavier than I've ever been. I've heard of women going through all of this but never thought it would affect me the way it has. But, is this truly the problem?

I started reading a book last year, I think it was called The Happiness Project, and the main idea is finishing what you start and you will be happier. I really think I could benefit from this, but I haven't finished the book. See a trend?

My heart feels pulled in different directions. My dad passed last year and my mom is still struggling, and my grandson was born last Sept. They're all in GA. I always thought when I had a grandchild that I would be able to keep him or her while Ashley works. I love my husband and my home, but I also want to be three hours away.

All of this leaves me feeling ambivalent about my life. I'm unsettled and uninspired when I want to be filled with joy and working towards a goal. I want to know that I'm doing what I was meant to do. I'm almost 52 and it doesn't feel like I am.

My (thankfully extremely supportive) husband and I have talked and he feels that I take on too much of the stress of others. I worry for my mom, for my daughter and her family, and for my own life here. It just becomes too much.

So, if I'm supposed to be at peace and not worry and put everything in God's hands, then how come it is so hard for me? There are times that I feel close to God and others when I feel so far away. This makes me anxious and depressed at the same time.

So, this week I am taking a step back. So far, I've done very little and have tried to read and pray and get my thoughts in order. Ashley and Brooks are coming for a visit and I hope this will lift my spirits.

I read something at the beginning of the week that makes a lot of sense: "Honor God. Serve that single objective and everything else will fall into place". So, that's my only resolution this year - since that one should take care of all of the above.

Lord, I pray for clarity in my thoughts and peace in my heart. Help me to see what I can do each day to honor You, so that You will point my footsteps in the right direction. Amen.