Originally written June 3, 2013 but not posted...
I find myself lately thinking a lot about the past and when I was raising my daughter alone. They were hard days mostly, but I loved it, too, especially as she got older.
I listen to Pandora radio while I'm working, and a lot of the songs she used to listen to as a teenager often come across my playlist. I can see her getting ready for school in the morning, music blaring, and hearing her singing along to Madonna and The Dixie Chicks (this was in the 90s, y'all). My sweet girl.
She's pregnant now and expecting my first grandbaby, a boy whose name is Brooks. She's been married for almost seven years, so we've waited a long time for him! The thought of what it will be like to see her and JG as parents, and the thought of Chuck and I being grandparents fills me with joy...and makes me want to be closer to them.
We live three hours away - and it's not an easy drive having to go through Atlanta traffic to get to them. An ideal location for them would be farther north, closer to both sets of grandparents. And I don't think either of them disagree, even as much as JG loves his job. He's a golf course superintendent in a very nice golf community and, aside from the very hot, dry summers, he's got a great job. But, the prospect of moving closer to his family, I think, makes him happy, as well as having Ashley closer to me. It might be worth looking for some other greens to tend to.
And Ashley's job is very stressful, and I think it's not something that is going to mean as much when there's a little one to take care of. It would be nice to get her away from the anger and frustration she experiences daily.
Our children may grow older and create lives for themselves, but for me anyway, there is always that draw to be with her. I know God has us here for a reason, and I have to trust that He will make things work for all of us.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Thursday, February 28, 2013
A Rite of Passage
Last year I turned 50. There are certain things that come with this 'tender' age, one being a colonoscopy screening.
I put this off for a while. After all, who wants to voluntarily subject themselves to such a personally invasive procedure? Because my issues stem from a lazy bowel, the aging process and perimenopause have only intensified my symptoms. Most insurance now covers colonoscopies as preventive care and my insurance covers it 100%. I had no excuse.
So, after being sick with the flu back in December, my body determined for me that it was time for this. After finding a great gastroenterology doctor back in January, the procedure was scheduled for today, February 28.
So, I'm here to tell you that I SURVIVED, and the process wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I want to share my experience in hope that this post will help anyone who has also put this off out of fear or embarrassment.
MY SUGGESTIONS:
1) Start preparing yourself the week of the procedure, not just the day before. The day of the prep you will be on a clear liquid diet. AT LEAST one day before then, limit yourself to light foods high in protein such as yogurt and eggs. This will help sustain you and keep you from having as much to expel, which will make the experience much easier.
2) Shop for prep day items ahead of time. I bought mango and peach jello, apple juice, Gatorade, ginger ale, popsicles, hard candy, and Lipton dry chicken soup mix. Of course, I didn't need all of this - but since I was so limited in what I could have, I wanted a variety. I bought the chicken soup mix instead of just chicken bouillon because the flavor is much better, and then just strained the noodles out. I sipped this in the morning along with eating jello, and then again at lunch. And in the middle of the afternoon, I ate hard candy to keep my blood sugar up. By the evening I was drinking the prep mix and didn't want to eat much of anything during that.
Yes, you will be hungry but not painfully so. I'm the kind of person who usually grazes most of the day so I didn't think I would do well. But I just kept my mind focused on the goal - a clean scan - and prayed for strength.
3) The hardest part for me was the liquid prep mix. My doctor prescribed MoviPrep. Some doctors prescribe a large bottle of Miralax mixed with a gallon of Gatorade. The MoviPrep is a prescription and is a low volume prep, meaning you only have to drink two liters over several hours. And no, it doesn't taste good. It reminded me of lemon scented kitchen cleaner. I tried mixing in dry orange drink mix, but it seemed to intensify the flavor instead of mask it, so with the second batch I left it plain. What helped me was to drink the mixture with a straw as far back in my throat as I could put it and then take a large drink and not breathe in, which kept me from tasting it so much. Then I would "chase" that drink with some flavored sparkling water. It was directed that I drink 8 oz. every 30 minutes until the first liter was gone, then wait an hour or so to start the next liter, and again 8 oz. every 30 minutes. In between the 30-minute intervals, I ate hard candy (Lifesavers and Werthers hard caramels). I was instructed to start the prep at 5 p.m., and I was really afraid that starting so late that I was going to be up all night. Instead, I was finished by 11 p.m. and was able to sleep uninterrupted for the most part.
Do try to schedule your procedure for early in the morning. I was lucky enough to be the first one of the day and arrived at the hospital at 7 a.m. By 7:45, they had me prepped in the outpatient area with an IV in my hand. By 8:10, they were starting the procedure and I was OUT, snoozing and pleasantly dreaming. The next thing I knew, I was waking up to my husband's smiling face about 30 minutes later. And I've never been more relieved in my life than when the doctor told me that all was well. After drinking some Sprite and recovering for about 30 minutes, I was up and dressed and out the door.
And the happiness I felt when it was all over - priceless! We stopped at McDonald's for a southern chicken biscuit and then later for lunch, my sweet hub went to one of our favorite restaurants and got me a caprese sandwich and homemade potato chips. And as you can imagine, the food never tasted better.
So here I sit on the same day, a little tired but so relieved and happy that I don't have to repeat the process for five years. And next time, I won't be afraid because I'll know exactly what to expect. Having the peace of mind of knowing the issues I've had are not because of disease has freed me to plan ahead for my future, which includes my first grandbaby this fall!
I put this off for a while. After all, who wants to voluntarily subject themselves to such a personally invasive procedure? Because my issues stem from a lazy bowel, the aging process and perimenopause have only intensified my symptoms. Most insurance now covers colonoscopies as preventive care and my insurance covers it 100%. I had no excuse.
So, after being sick with the flu back in December, my body determined for me that it was time for this. After finding a great gastroenterology doctor back in January, the procedure was scheduled for today, February 28.
So, I'm here to tell you that I SURVIVED, and the process wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I want to share my experience in hope that this post will help anyone who has also put this off out of fear or embarrassment.
MY SUGGESTIONS:
1) Start preparing yourself the week of the procedure, not just the day before. The day of the prep you will be on a clear liquid diet. AT LEAST one day before then, limit yourself to light foods high in protein such as yogurt and eggs. This will help sustain you and keep you from having as much to expel, which will make the experience much easier.
2) Shop for prep day items ahead of time. I bought mango and peach jello, apple juice, Gatorade, ginger ale, popsicles, hard candy, and Lipton dry chicken soup mix. Of course, I didn't need all of this - but since I was so limited in what I could have, I wanted a variety. I bought the chicken soup mix instead of just chicken bouillon because the flavor is much better, and then just strained the noodles out. I sipped this in the morning along with eating jello, and then again at lunch. And in the middle of the afternoon, I ate hard candy to keep my blood sugar up. By the evening I was drinking the prep mix and didn't want to eat much of anything during that.
Yes, you will be hungry but not painfully so. I'm the kind of person who usually grazes most of the day so I didn't think I would do well. But I just kept my mind focused on the goal - a clean scan - and prayed for strength.
3) The hardest part for me was the liquid prep mix. My doctor prescribed MoviPrep. Some doctors prescribe a large bottle of Miralax mixed with a gallon of Gatorade. The MoviPrep is a prescription and is a low volume prep, meaning you only have to drink two liters over several hours. And no, it doesn't taste good. It reminded me of lemon scented kitchen cleaner. I tried mixing in dry orange drink mix, but it seemed to intensify the flavor instead of mask it, so with the second batch I left it plain. What helped me was to drink the mixture with a straw as far back in my throat as I could put it and then take a large drink and not breathe in, which kept me from tasting it so much. Then I would "chase" that drink with some flavored sparkling water. It was directed that I drink 8 oz. every 30 minutes until the first liter was gone, then wait an hour or so to start the next liter, and again 8 oz. every 30 minutes. In between the 30-minute intervals, I ate hard candy (Lifesavers and Werthers hard caramels). I was instructed to start the prep at 5 p.m., and I was really afraid that starting so late that I was going to be up all night. Instead, I was finished by 11 p.m. and was able to sleep uninterrupted for the most part.
Do try to schedule your procedure for early in the morning. I was lucky enough to be the first one of the day and arrived at the hospital at 7 a.m. By 7:45, they had me prepped in the outpatient area with an IV in my hand. By 8:10, they were starting the procedure and I was OUT, snoozing and pleasantly dreaming. The next thing I knew, I was waking up to my husband's smiling face about 30 minutes later. And I've never been more relieved in my life than when the doctor told me that all was well. After drinking some Sprite and recovering for about 30 minutes, I was up and dressed and out the door.
And the happiness I felt when it was all over - priceless! We stopped at McDonald's for a southern chicken biscuit and then later for lunch, my sweet hub went to one of our favorite restaurants and got me a caprese sandwich and homemade potato chips. And as you can imagine, the food never tasted better.
So here I sit on the same day, a little tired but so relieved and happy that I don't have to repeat the process for five years. And next time, I won't be afraid because I'll know exactly what to expect. Having the peace of mind of knowing the issues I've had are not because of disease has freed me to plan ahead for my future, which includes my first grandbaby this fall!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Dear IAW...
It was five years ago today that you opened.
It was 2 1/2 difficult years and 200k + later that you closed.
It's time to say goodbye for good. You've occupied my mind for too long, making me feel guilty about your failure. I'm tired of beating up the person I was back then. I need to move on.
I admit it - I was part of the problem. I hated you from the first month that you were open. You were not what I expected and I wanted out. You were mainly my husband's idea and I became angry at him too for how he pushed you on me.
The concept of you was exciting for a little while. There was a part of me that wanted to be the person who could successfully own and run you. I wanted to be more outgoing and involved in our community, even though that's not really my personality. I thought in so many ways that all of my life I had failed at being who I was and maybe if I changed, I would be happier and I would feel better about myself.
The possibility of you failing and how that would make me feel never entered my mind.
We made so many poor choices with you. Sometimes we hired the wrong people to help us. Sometimes we spent too much money on things that didn't matter. At our age we were experienced enough to know these things but still did them wrong. We didn't listen closely enough to God when He surely tried to guide us. There are so many things I would now do differently.
You cost us our retirement and a chunk of our personal monthly budget for a while. My heart knows that we need to trust that God will provide rather than depend upon a nest egg, but it's still a disappoinment.
But all in all isn't it most important that we learn from our experiences, especially the bad ones? And learn, we have. Mistakes with you have helped both of us many times in our work as we've moved forward. And I've learned that I can be happy being me rather than trying to change.
So, instead of feeling guilty or feeling I've failed, maybe I should be thankful for you. Thankful for the experience, thankful for the people we helped through you, and thankful that God delivered us from what could have been a much more messy resolution of you.
So, as an exercise in letting go, I write this farewell to you. I will not speak of you or allow the negative aspects of you to interfere with my thoughts anymore. Rest in peace, IAW.
Your not-so-loyal co-owner,
Kelly
It was 2 1/2 difficult years and 200k + later that you closed.
It's time to say goodbye for good. You've occupied my mind for too long, making me feel guilty about your failure. I'm tired of beating up the person I was back then. I need to move on.
I admit it - I was part of the problem. I hated you from the first month that you were open. You were not what I expected and I wanted out. You were mainly my husband's idea and I became angry at him too for how he pushed you on me.
The concept of you was exciting for a little while. There was a part of me that wanted to be the person who could successfully own and run you. I wanted to be more outgoing and involved in our community, even though that's not really my personality. I thought in so many ways that all of my life I had failed at being who I was and maybe if I changed, I would be happier and I would feel better about myself.
The possibility of you failing and how that would make me feel never entered my mind.
We made so many poor choices with you. Sometimes we hired the wrong people to help us. Sometimes we spent too much money on things that didn't matter. At our age we were experienced enough to know these things but still did them wrong. We didn't listen closely enough to God when He surely tried to guide us. There are so many things I would now do differently.
You cost us our retirement and a chunk of our personal monthly budget for a while. My heart knows that we need to trust that God will provide rather than depend upon a nest egg, but it's still a disappoinment.
But all in all isn't it most important that we learn from our experiences, especially the bad ones? And learn, we have. Mistakes with you have helped both of us many times in our work as we've moved forward. And I've learned that I can be happy being me rather than trying to change.
So, instead of feeling guilty or feeling I've failed, maybe I should be thankful for you. Thankful for the experience, thankful for the people we helped through you, and thankful that God delivered us from what could have been a much more messy resolution of you.
So, as an exercise in letting go, I write this farewell to you. I will not speak of you or allow the negative aspects of you to interfere with my thoughts anymore. Rest in peace, IAW.
Your not-so-loyal co-owner,
Kelly
Friday, January 11, 2013
Workin' for a livin'
One of the things I hope to accomplish this year is to find some renewed satisfaction in my work. For the past eight years, I've worked from home as a medical transcriptionist, specifically radiology. For three years now, I've been on an account for a large, very busy hospital. The work never seems to end, and there never seem to be enough transcriptionists to keep the work current on the account. We have a one-hour turn around time (once the doc dictates the report, it must be transcribed and in the hospital system within the hour). This is stressful especially when there's more work than usual, and we (all the transcriptionists as a group) are constantly being barked at about how we are not keeping up or what we're screwing up. Nary a word is ever said if and when we actually do a good job.
This time last year, I was blessed to have the opportunity to reduce my work to part time hours. The company I am contracted with graciously allowed me to do this rather than put me on another account, so I took this gesture as a sign that I do a good job, that they do need me and want me to stay on the account.
Still, I'm the kind of person who thrives on praise. I don't necessarily need it to get the work done (obviously) but a pat on the back here and there or even a kind word never hurts. I would even appreciate some kind of report card, negative or positive, just to see how I'm producing overall but we are never provided with this. So, I've been wondering lately if there are better opportunities out there for me. After all, I have been doing this for a while. Since I'm such a fanatic about grammar and punctuation, I have thought that editing might be a next step up, too.
What I'm finding out in my search is that maybe being 'pigeon holed' into radiology hasn't been such a good thing.
When I was in transcription school 10 years ago, I learned all different types of transcription reports, medical terminology, English, grammar and punctuation. I was placed in radiology for my externship and just stuck with it through the years. There's a lot that I've forgotten when it comes to acute care, or general medicine.
So, rather than look for another job right now I've decided to refresh my skills and to also become registered and certified. So, I'm going to hit the books and start an online study course. I've become so complacent over the years, working from home and not having much professional interaction. I've lost confidence in myself and in my abilities to a certain extent. I love what I do for the most part and don't want to give it up. Hopefully this will revive me and renew my passion for my work.
It's exciting to have a new challenge to look forward to. Wish me luck!
This time last year, I was blessed to have the opportunity to reduce my work to part time hours. The company I am contracted with graciously allowed me to do this rather than put me on another account, so I took this gesture as a sign that I do a good job, that they do need me and want me to stay on the account.
Still, I'm the kind of person who thrives on praise. I don't necessarily need it to get the work done (obviously) but a pat on the back here and there or even a kind word never hurts. I would even appreciate some kind of report card, negative or positive, just to see how I'm producing overall but we are never provided with this. So, I've been wondering lately if there are better opportunities out there for me. After all, I have been doing this for a while. Since I'm such a fanatic about grammar and punctuation, I have thought that editing might be a next step up, too.
What I'm finding out in my search is that maybe being 'pigeon holed' into radiology hasn't been such a good thing.
When I was in transcription school 10 years ago, I learned all different types of transcription reports, medical terminology, English, grammar and punctuation. I was placed in radiology for my externship and just stuck with it through the years. There's a lot that I've forgotten when it comes to acute care, or general medicine.
So, rather than look for another job right now I've decided to refresh my skills and to also become registered and certified. So, I'm going to hit the books and start an online study course. I've become so complacent over the years, working from home and not having much professional interaction. I've lost confidence in myself and in my abilities to a certain extent. I love what I do for the most part and don't want to give it up. Hopefully this will revive me and renew my passion for my work.
It's exciting to have a new challenge to look forward to. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year!
"Do not cling to old ways as you step into a new year. Instead, seek My face with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind". (from Jesus Calling)
It's been the most relaxing of days. I got up to feed the kitties (who both have alarm clocks in their heads for 6:30 a.m., no matter what day it is) but then, I luxuriously went back to bed. I normally will not go back to sleep when I do this, but then woke again at 9:26. How unusual for me - but then again, we didn't go to sleep until 1:30 a.m. (I was trying to be a better sport about staying up to midnight and enjoying bringing in the New Year!) I awoke to find my hub staring at me and telling me about all the funny noises I was making in my sleep, which I thought was kind of sweet that he was observing me.
It's raining, so not much was planned for today and we didn't get out of our jammies until about 1. We lounged and played Words with Friends in front of the fireplace and watched The Price is Right. A perfect morning.
I then reluctantly went out in the rain to Publix to get ingredients for a nontraditional New Years dish, a Mexican chicken stew. Along with cornbread and freshly sliced avocado, it was a delicious midday meal on this chilly day.
With my hub still lounging and watching football (go, Gamecocks!) I called my mom to check on her and thankfully, she has had a good couple of days. All is right with the world for now.
So, with a thankful heart for all we have been blessed with in 2012, I wish everyone a happy and prosperous 2013!
It's been the most relaxing of days. I got up to feed the kitties (who both have alarm clocks in their heads for 6:30 a.m., no matter what day it is) but then, I luxuriously went back to bed. I normally will not go back to sleep when I do this, but then woke again at 9:26. How unusual for me - but then again, we didn't go to sleep until 1:30 a.m. (I was trying to be a better sport about staying up to midnight and enjoying bringing in the New Year!) I awoke to find my hub staring at me and telling me about all the funny noises I was making in my sleep, which I thought was kind of sweet that he was observing me.
It's raining, so not much was planned for today and we didn't get out of our jammies until about 1. We lounged and played Words with Friends in front of the fireplace and watched The Price is Right. A perfect morning.
I then reluctantly went out in the rain to Publix to get ingredients for a nontraditional New Years dish, a Mexican chicken stew. Along with cornbread and freshly sliced avocado, it was a delicious midday meal on this chilly day.
With my hub still lounging and watching football (go, Gamecocks!) I called my mom to check on her and thankfully, she has had a good couple of days. All is right with the world for now.
So, with a thankful heart for all we have been blessed with in 2012, I wish everyone a happy and prosperous 2013!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.
Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. Psalm 25:4-5
I am thankful this morning that my mother called me and she asked me for the name and phone number of a doctor who will give her a second opinion. Rather than being angry at me about blowing up, she has a renewed desire to find out what is wrong.
I thanked God immediately for this change as I know it couldn't have come without His help.
Why am I amazed when He comes through for me? Why do I feel so unworthy of His love and mercy? He is proving to me that He is here, that He hears me, and that I can depend upon Him.
Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. Psalm 25:4-5
I am thankful this morning that my mother called me and she asked me for the name and phone number of a doctor who will give her a second opinion. Rather than being angry at me about blowing up, she has a renewed desire to find out what is wrong.
I thanked God immediately for this change as I know it couldn't have come without His help.
Why am I amazed when He comes through for me? Why do I feel so unworthy of His love and mercy? He is proving to me that He is here, that He hears me, and that I can depend upon Him.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
"Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything". James 1:2-4
I pulled this scripture from a previous post. My life seems to be nothing but trials lately. And even though I try to do the right thing to get through these times, life still overwhelms me.
Today I sit here with a stiff neck from stress and an overwhelming feeling of depression. I, a person who has depended upon her faith to get her through most everything, am being crushed under the weight of my own regret.
My parents are in their 70s and getting more feeble by the day. My mother in particular, who has had manageable issues with her spine up until this past August, has been crippled by what should have been a simple surgery to reinforce her arthritic spine. Since mid November, she's been housebound and in what she describes as "horrible pain" from her back into her right thigh. My father, weakened by COPD and on oxygen 24/7, is her caretaker. I am three hours away.
Her doctor, supposively against ordering physical therapy, continues to keep my mother drugged up rather than finding a solution to her pain. Weeks ago, I suggested getting a second opinion but was rebuffed. My parents think that I think they are fools and can't take care of themselves. In the meantime, mom tells us of her crying in pain every morning as if it is something she just has to get used to. This stresses my dad and he encourages her to do nothing but sit. Sitting gets her stiff and the pain just keeps getting worse. They are their own worst enemies.
They have friends, and their church supposively is sending over people to help - but to hear her talk, no one is responding to their needs.
So yesterday, after a phone call of TMI from my mom, I snapped. For the past two weeks, I myself have struggled with the flu, what I think is a bleeding ulcer, a rapid heartbeat, and too much company over the holidays. Yesterday was the first day that no one was here and I could focus on taking Christmas decorations down. I was feeling overwhelmed already from phone calls from both my daughter and sister talking about what mom is doing and saying. So when mom called and shared WAY too much, I lost it.
Now I really don't know what to do other than pray. My heart tells me God sees the big picture and has everything under control. How come I can't just let go and trust Him? The fear that my parents will live out the rest of their lives in pain and without hope is so much to bear. But if God could send His own son to the cross, who could say that their pain or mine is even comparable to that? The key to trusting Him is living without fear. Why is this so hard for me?
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